Wednesday, August 6, 2008
You can’t go in a bookstore or the local supermarket without catching a glimpse of publications on, Searching for your Soul Mate, Finding Mr. Right, Keeping your man, and Getting Hitch. The Internet has its fair share of dating sites for people on the prowl trying to find “the right one”. Turn the radio on and “He broke my heart” or “She did me wrong” is blasting over the speakers. Too much time is spent on finding the right person and not enough time discovering who we are and what we want. Everyone is looking for someone to make them happy. Only you are ultimately responsible for your own happiness. If you’re dependent on another person to make you happy, you will be disappointed every time. If your not married with kids by a certain age, people act as if you have a terminal illness. Why is being single such a bad thing? Don’t get me wrong, being in a productive relationship has its advantages, but being single comes with its perks.
From a spiritual standpoint a single women has more time to concentrate on spiritual matters. This is the opportunity to take time to develop a closer relationship with God without distraction. Once married, the two will become one. Become more spiritually grounded, guarded, guided, so when you do decide to settle down it would be the right decision. For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11-13
Get to Know Yourself.
I often hear married folks complain of “losing themselves” in the relationship. In the process of courting and trying to impress the opposite sex there is a tendency to compromise and conform. I’m guilty of this! This behavior is detrimental to any relationship and unfair to all involved. As time pass they have an epiphany, don’t recognize themselves, want to escape the relationship, and develop resentment toward their mate. Being single allows you time to be yourself and develop who you really are.
In addition to time, relationships require money. This is especially true, if you’re planning to get married. Unless you’re going to the courthouse, the average wedding can cost an arm and leg. Being single gives you full control over your finances. Now is the time to spend your money on whatever you want, wisely of course. You don’t have to hide those new pumps in the trunk of your car from your significant other. This is the time to establish financial stability and money management skills needed to prepare for when you do jump the broom. Set financial goals and sedulously work toward them. You don't want to enter a relationship with a mountain of debt. Financial problems are one of the main causes of divorce. When you learn to manage your money wisely, you also recognize proper management skills and don’t end up with some joker who can’t even PAY attention. If you’re a single parent, you can focus on saving money for you and your children’s future.
Freedom & Independence.
When single your held accountable to no one but yourself. You can come and go as you please. If you decide to take a weekend road trip with your homies, or just sit on the couch in an old, oversized, t-shirt and watch a Lifetime movie, it’s all good. Learning to love starts with you and knowing what makes you happy. That means spending time doing what you want, when you want, however you want.
Plan Your Future.
Preparing for your future takes careful planning, commitment, and sacrifice. All of which can complicate or ruin a relationship. This is the time to focus on your goals and realizing your dreams and what matters most to you. Develop a passion for life and go after your hearts desire. Focus on your education, become proficient in your profession, take up a hobby, start a business. Deferring dreams can cause resentment and regrets. You only have one life to live, so live it to the fullest. If you decide to settle down your not only have something to offer you have time to focus on building a family.
While single you avoid the emotional roller coaster associated with being in a relationship. You’re in control of your emotions! In new relationships your emotions are out of whack and your heart skips a beat every time you see him. Your literally on cloud nine and don’t know if your coming or going. God forbid the relationship does not work and you’re stuck with the pains of a broken heart. In the words of MJB, No More Drama, No more Pain!
The single life is a process! Once you move past the “grass is greener on the other side” way of thinking, you will be ready to make the most of being single. So the next time you start to get down because you're not dating someone, remember to enjoy this time while it last. Before long you’ll cross paths with destiny and live happily ever after.